Self Esteem 2.1
(Monday)
Comparisons are inevitable.
Context:
From the moment we entered the school system comparisons became inevitable since the current educational system is not able to provide an individualized learning experience for all students. While a student may have an individualized education plan (IEP), a plan is much different than an experience.
A student must still be given grades, mandated achievement, aptitude, and diagnostic standardized tests. Even if a teacher doesn’t post grades, students talk and compare.
Society in general and social media specifically force comparisons, wanted or not.
Therefore becoming aware of our level of self-esteem is important, since the factors mentioned above can negatively impact a young person’s self-esteem.
What it is: In this second lesson we’ll focus on keys to help minimize any negative effects of comparisons, and find ways to benefit when we’re compared to others.
We know what self-esteem is. But in connection with this second lesson, self-esteem means understanding who you want to be, what kind of person you want to be, and then developing the attributes, characteristics, traits, and qualities to become that person.
Why it’s important: Comparisons will continue in the workplace. Understanding that becoming the best version of you possible, empowers you when you are compared with others. Focusing on self-development allows you to grow and build your self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-respect now and for the rest of your life.
Primer Questions
Do you often compare yourself with others? How does it usually make you feel?
Could you go a week or a month without comparing yourself to others?
How do you feel when someone compares you to a classmate, one of your friends, or a sibling?
Write down your answers and observations in your journal.
“
Look in the mirror rather than at your neighbor.
”
— Frank Sonnenberg
They were just like you.
If you are compared to someone who is more skilled, better trained, stronger, or faster than you, remember they had to start somewhere.
Anyone you admire or are compared to, at one time, had to develop the same qualities, traits, or attitudes that you now admire.
Use any comparison to others to identify ways you want to improve, not ways that you are different or lacking.
Rather than compare your statistics with another teammate, ask yourself, what qualities, traits or mindset does he or she use to get the stats he has? Does your teammate have an insane work ethic? Does he or she have a practice-makes-perfect attitude? Does your friend take pressure off him or herself by remembering it's just a game? What can you imitate to achieve similar results?
Instead of comparing your grades to a friend who has better grades, take note of your friends' mindset, habits, attitudes, and efforts. Does your friend have a habit of limiting his time playing video games in order to study? Is your friend curious about everything? Even when he or she is not in school? Has your friend chosen a career and can see how his or her classes have relevance to his or her future life goals? Has your friend figured out a way to stop procrastinating?
Rather than compare yourself to your sibling who has more friends, ask yourself what qualities or traits make people want to be around him or her. Can you develop some of those qualities and traits? Does he or she really listen to others? Show compassion? Maybe your sibling can see the positive in others and is generous with sincere compliments. Can you develop some of those qualities? But what if your sibling is super outgoing, and you are not? Ask him or her how you can be more outgoing. Ask them for pointers and suggestions.
Rather than be jealous of a friend who plays guitar really, really well, ask them how they got to be so good. How often did they practice? Was it hard for them in the beginning? What made it easier? What made them keep trying? Rather than compare yourself because you don't play as well as them yet, look for ways you can imitate them. By imitating the effort, mindset, qualities, habits, and traits they used to improve, you can do the same.
Comparisons are a natural human tendency for people of all ages, and that isn’t necessarily bad.
What are the positive aspects of comparisons?
Comparison can enable growth. As mentioned, it can help us to see areas where we can improve or develop. It can also help us to see just how far we have already progressed.
Comparisons can be a motivator. If we view them correctly, comparisons can also motivate us to see what’s possible. Comparisons can help us to push past perceived limits and move us to want to do more. Comparison can help us move past procrastination or settle for the status quo. When we feel inspired by someone, we’ve just used comparisons as a motivator.
Comparisons can be a feedback look. In connection with the first two aspects of harnessing the positive power of comparisons, comparison acts as a feedback loop. They can help us analyze why we think or act. When you learn something about yourself, you’ve just used comparisons as part of your feedback loop.
You can use comparisons to our advantage. Use comparisons to get information about what you want and where you want to be, and get valuable feedback on how you measure up to what you want to be, do or accomplish.
Metacognitive Goals
For the first part of this week, we want you to make a list of people you compare yourself to most. That might mean thinking about who others compare you to most.
As you take note of who you compare yourself to most (it could even be a famous athlete or social media influencer), try to note 1) how the comparison makes you feel, and 2) why you feel the need to compare yourself to that person.
Thought of the day.
Confidence is not ‘they will like me’. Confidence is ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t’.