Mastering the Game of Life 2.3
(Friday)
Rule 7: Master your psychology.
Rule 8: Play the cards in front of You.
We’ll consider rule 8 first.
What it is: Playing the cards in front of you means 1) not doing something before you are ready, and 2) focusing on what you can do at the moment. It also means 3) understanding that reaching any goal takes time.
For example, you want to buy a car but you don’t have a job. Would it be wise to buy a car before getting a job? Remember, even if you buy a used car outright with the cash you already have, you still have to pay for car insurance, gas, and any repairs.
Why it’s important: As mentioned life can throw you unexpected curves from time to time. Unexpected circumstances can be both positive and negative. In order to adapt and be flexible, you need to understand what you are able to do at the moment. It may mean that you make changes or adjustments in your life strategy, while still keeping your eye focused on your end goal.
Primer Questions
Do you have a master plan for what you want to do in life? Do you have a blueprint for the type and quality of person you want to be?
Have you set short-term goals that will allow you to accomplish your long-term plan?
How would having short-term goals help you when unexpected occurrences arise that could jeopardize your plan?
Write down your answers and observations in your journal.
Playing the Cards You’re Dealt
Have you heard that saying? It’s basically similar to saying, “Play the cards in front of you”.
However, using the term ‘the cards you are dealt’, helps you to realize the uncertainty of the future. It helps you to acknowledge that you will never be able to plan for the future perfectly because you can’t control the future.
Consider: How would the following affect your current life plan?
What if you don’t get the GPA you were hoping for?
What if you don’t get into the college you were hoping to attend?
What if you find that you are interested in a different major than the one you’ve been pursuing for the last few years?
What if you find your passion is much different than the career path you’ve been pursuing?
Luck of the Draw.
Have you ever been playing a card game and all you needed is one or two specific cards to win the game?
When it’s your turn and you are dealt a card or draw a card, can you remember being excited about what that next card could be? Could it be the one you need to win?
In some card games, your strategy may change with each new card. Similarly in life, each new experience, good or bad, may advance the plan you have in place, or require you to make some adjustments.
Watch the video.
What Hand Are You Delt?
Life is full of surprises. Some surprises, obstacles, or challenges are easy to overcome. Others might require you to adjust your goals or even change your entire life’s master plan. Consider:
Scenario 1: It’s summer break and you want to work as a lifeguard at the local swimming pool. You have your application and you’re excited to start! But then you read on the application that in order to apply you are required to be CPR certified and pass a water safety course. Both will cost money to complete.
What are your options? Do you need to set new goals? Do you need to make adjustments to your life’s master plan?
Scenario 2: You are going to medical school and want to become a vascular surgeon. An oncoming car loses control and hits your car, sending you through the windshield. In the hospital, the doctors inform you that you will have very limited use of your left arm and hand for the rest of your life.
What are your options? Do you need to set new goals? Do you need to make adjustments to your life’s master plan?
What hand have you been dealt? Do you have supportive parents? Do you have parents that are overbearing? Do you have a very comfortable financial situation? Or does your family need you to help to make ends meet? Do you come from a culture where education is not prioritized? Or do you come from a background where there are extremely high expectations for you academically? Have you had an easy life until now? Or have you recently lost people you love, or dealing with a physical or emotional issue or abuse?
What are your options? Do you need to set new goals? Do you need to make adjustments to your life’s master plan?
If you don’t know where you’re headed, how will you get there?
If you know where you're going, it’s easier to make adjustments to your route if you run into roadblocks or obstacles.
The same is true in Chess and in life. Make sure you have a primary goal or master game plan for your future: What type of person you want to be, what impact you want to make in the world, how you will pursue your passion, and what specifically will be your indication of success.
Then make sure you have shorter-term goals to reach your primary goals. This will allow you to adapt and pivot when unexpected situations occur!
Do you have a master life plan or goal? What about a one-year, or three year plan? Use the following PDF to set a few goals and sub-goals for this year.
Rule 7: Master your psychology.
In life, like in Chess, we can’t control the actions of other people.
We can’t control the actions of others in our relationships.
We can’t control the actions of others at work.
We can’t control what happens to us in life.
However, We can control how we react to what happens to us. Mastering your psychology means you learning how to control your mental and emotional responses to everyday and unexpected situations.
Keep Calm and Cary On
Have you ever made an important decision, only to find out later that it was possibly the worse decision you could make?
How did you react? Does that mistake mean that you won’t reach your final goal? How can you make sure that obstacles in the future, whether they are unexpected or of your own making, don’t take you completely out of the game of life? Completely change your life’s goal?
Consider This:
Try to recall a time something unexpected happened to you. Perhaps it was a circumstance that you didn’t expect. Or someone acted or treated you in a way that you didn’t expect. Answer the following:
1) How did you feel when something unexpected occurred? What emotion(s) did you feel?
2) How did you want to react to the situation or person?
3) How did you end up reacting to the situation or person?
4) Finally, did you regret the way you reacted to the unexpected situation? Or did things turn out well?
Tips to mastering your psychology.
Learn to Pause. In any difficult or challenging situations, learn to step back and take a deep breath before reacting. Pausing allows you to:
Identify what you’re feeling. Is the person or situation you’re in making you angry? furious? Heartbroken? Or afraid? Identify what you are feeling in order to get an idea of:
Identify the actions or responses you want to make. Think it through. If you say or do what you’re thinking about, what will the outcome be? If you react based on your emotions, what will the outcome be?
In addition to the steps above, ask yourself, why do/did I feel that way emotionally?
Identify and channel your emotional energy.
If you are angry or frustrated with a decision you made, or an unexpected situation, channel that anger into finding a solution. You are where you are, what can you do about it now?
If your decision ended up causing a problem or obstacle to your life’s plan, don’t doubt yourself. Use that emotional energy to identify how you made the wrong decision. Did you go to the wrong people for advice? Did you make the decision without consulting others with more experience? Was the decision hasty, or did you take some time to think things through? Rather than wallow in doubt, turn that doubt into investigative, reflective, honest self-examination energy.
Metacognitive Goals
For the next few days, you have two metacognitive goals.
First, complete the Goals worksheet. If you can try to include as your goals, 1) The type of person you want to be. For example, “I want to be a kind, compassionate person who uses empathy to create great changes for others.”, or “I want to be a confident, capable leader that uses commendation, consensus, and collaboration to accomplish incredible things with incredible people.” Then write sub-goals that will help you develop those traits and qualities.
Secondly, try to notice how you handle setbacks, disappointment, and obstacles. Notice how you handle your emotions when bad things happen, or you make decisions that don’t work out the way you had hoped.
Write down your observations and findings in your journal.
Thought of the day.
When things go wrong, shift your perspective, revisit your goals, stay open to possibilities, and don’t forget to breathe.